Friday, October 06, 2006

Pink for October

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Eevn though this is not someting that I am expecting will ever happen to me (family history of Diabetes and high blood pressure) the bio geek and medical nut in me loves to jump on this bandwagon. Hence my blog is pink. Yay.......we love pink!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heartache and disappointment

On Tuesday we had an unscheduled scan as I had been spotting lightly. As soon as the ultrasound came up on the screen I knew my baby was gone. There was just a sack with no foetus inside. My baby for some reason had stopped developing at 6 weeks, but 4 weeks later my body was just starting to realise.
We were given the option of waiting to miscarry naturally or have an evacuation of the products of conception, both have their risks but after talking about it we decided on the latter.
On Thursday morning I had the operation and instantly felt better. The baby had been dead inside me for 4 weeks and all the time I had thought I was still pregnant. I never knew that it could happen that way. I thought that when you miscarried that it happened straight away, in a dramatic way.
Two days later I am more determined to have another baby. They have told us to wait one cycle for dating purposes but they have said there is no reason why we can't start trying straight away.
Today we bought a white camelia and planted it in our front garden of our house in Dunedin. It can be seen from Mark and my bedroom. We bought it so we can remind ourselves of what we have lost as well as tell Sam when he is old enough to understand what has happened.
Neither of us are really sad. We know that it was never meant to be.